you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
