Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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