I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
