yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
