and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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