You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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