True but thats because hes a fetus.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
