He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
