A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
