hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
