Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
