FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
