peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My cat gives me a boner
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
