we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Randomize
