but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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