So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
