Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
