Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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