Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
