woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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