You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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