her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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