i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
