At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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