before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
