All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
