either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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