Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
