when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
