hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
