Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
