we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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