Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
