Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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