i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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