when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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