my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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