Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
