you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
