i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
