Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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