what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
