I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
