Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
God, I missed his penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
