They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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