i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need water and some morals
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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