Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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