my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
