I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
