I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
